Feeling Overwhelmed

First and foremost, today is my son's birthday, so I'd like to wish him a very happy birthday and extra-special day.

As the title of this post suggests, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also very relieved. I've been unemployed since July 1st and was trying to cope with my sense of worthlessness and lack of income. The job search was tedious and stressful, especially since I'd been comfortable with my previous job for four years. You might say I'd grown complacent. You'd be right. Suddenly finding yourself without gainful employment in an employer's market is not a fun place to be. I work as a computer programmer, have been doing this for nearly twenty years. I'm no stranger to formal and technical interviews, but this time around it seemed that every employer wanted to quiz me like I had just entered the market from school. The tests and questions ranged from defining certain programming terms (many of which come from first-year textbooks) all the way to writing small programs to accomplish some mundane task. I get it! You wanna make sure an applicant actually has the abilities their resume claims. But, seriously, EVERY interview?

Needless to say, I didn't concentrate much on my writing or editing while I was looking for work. However, I'm pleased to announce that I landed a job with a company that seems like a good fit, with great benefits, solid colleagues, and the commute and money are right. That's where a lot of my relief has come from.

The rest of the burdens weighing on me stem from my current novel as well as various stories I've begun or have recently been thinking about. First, I'll tell you about the current WIP, What Goes Around. This is the story of nine children who vanish from a carousel in 1958, while their parents are watching. Sixty years later, when some teenagers turn on the carousel, the nine children reappear on the ride. I think it's an interesting concept and has started to take shape, becoming something I'm eager to finish molding and polishing. I recently handed it to my wife, my first beta reader. Her reaction wasn't quite what I expected. She didn't think the scary parts were very scary, nor the ending as satisfying as I had hoped. However, she saw the potential in it. She provided her feedback, and, while it doesn't necessarily require a rewrite, it's close. She gave some fantastic suggestions that will make it a much stronger story.

I've just finished the first pass through the manuscript to correct the grammatical changes and typos she identified as she read it. Now, I've got to go through it a few more times to change large swathes by altering some of the characters' roles and motivations. Before handing it off to her, I had gone through it four times. That's a heck of a lot when you're editing a manuscript nearly three hundred pages long. I hate editing. It's tedious and with each pass, I become less enthused about the story because it all starts tasting like beans. At this stage, I can foresee several more iterations through the story just to get it up to her standards. This is causing me to procrastinate and think about newer, shinier stories I could be working on.

As I've said in the past, I am always working on new stories. I usually have a couple going at the same time, hopping between them whenever I need a change of scenery. I'm wrestling with these compulsions now. I desperately need to finish the sequel to my crime novel, Majoring in Murder. I have two other horror novels that I need to work on: Into the Black Mirror and A Consuming Darkness. These are only a few of the stories scattered throughout the production pipe. My notes contain a wealth of material for me to mine. In addition, I've recently been thinking about two characters I invented years ago and still have not used them in a story. That's because I think these two characters could carry a story by themselves, much like George and Lenny from Of Mice and Men. The more I think about them, the more details from their story emerge. I don't want to rush it, because doing that will only hurt the work.

In addition to all of the above, I recently wrapped up a free 5 book giveaway on Goodreads. Overall, I think it went well. The giveaway had a higher interest than I anticipated. Now, I just have to wait and see if any of the readers will leave a review. I'd also like to see if any sales result from it. Basically, I'm anxious to see if the giveaway results in any benefits. I enjoyed the process. If for nothing else, it made more people aware of my work and maybe they will become potential fans. I already want to hold another giveaway with even more books, but I have to exercise patience. And for me, patience is a hard row to hoe. I'm always eager to jump right in.

So, as you can see from what I've laid out, I'm feeling the pressure of the stories I'm buried under. The good thing is that I'm not under any deadlines, except for the ones I set for myself. I tend to publish at least one new novel a year, more if I can do it without churning out crap. I think this is a respectable pace. Some very good traditionally-published authors work at the same pace. I just have to keep reminding myself that writing is a marathon, not a race.

Thanks for stopping by.

Picking up the series

My first published novel was a crime story called Majoring in Murder. It was meant to be the first book in a series, about a college student turned hit man. I published it in 2011, at a time when I was really big into reading crime stories. Since then, my interests have meandered through southern literature, fantasy/sci-fi, mystery, and then back to horror, where stories within me begged to be told. I obliged, telling some of those stories and began writing several more, across various genres.

Recently, I finished my first rounds of edits on a horror novel I mentioned some time ago called What Goes Around, which I am very excited about. I'm just waiting for my first beta reader (read: wife) to go through it and provide her feedback. In the meantime, I planned to return to some stories I've started and continue to work on those. However, I've detoured from that plan. Currently, I don't feel motivated to work on those stories, for reasons I'm not fully cognizant of; it's just how my writing process works. Instead, I looked over my various notes, folders, etc. on the small external drive where all of my worlds live and found that my hit man series needed my attention. The inner workings that dictate my writing--my muse, if you will--raised the flag, signaling me to start writing the second book in the Jason Mashburn series; it was time.

Long ago, I had jotted down a high-level road map for where I wanted the series to go, what each subsequent book would tackle, and then I walked away so that it could mellow. When I came across those notes a couple of days ago, I felt that Jason had time to mature (so to speak), which is what I intended. In the first book, he was a naive, yet deadly, young man. Throughout the series, I would like the reader to watch Jason grow and mature, become more adept in his skills, and understand the motivates behind his decision to return to the business. In a sense, Jason is like me as an author. I was naive and cocky during the writing of that first book and, with the passing of those years and more writing experience to my credit, I like to think my skills have improved and I've matured as a writer.

It is my hope that, for readers who don't care for series, each of the books can stand alone to tell a cohesive story; that each book can be read out of order, able to allude to any necessary details from the previous books without breaking the plot. As for readers who progress through the series, beginning with the first book, I want them to witness Jason's metamorphosis throughout the arc; from naive student to hardened, calculating executioner. Overall, I hope to maintain the reader's sympathy and understanding for Jason, which is difficult to do when your main character is a contract killer, but I think I managed to pull it off in the first book.

So, that's what I've recently been working on, the next book in the Jason Mashburn installment. Tentatively, I've titled the story, Extracurricular Activities. I hope it turns out the way I envision it. More importantly, I hope you, the reader, enjoy it!

Metamorphosis: introspection and retrospection

Tomorrow is Independence Day. I'm sitting here doing quite a bit of reflecting, evaluating, and looking toward the future lurking on the horizon, but it's hazy there and hard to make out. I have more time now for this sort of thing, since I lost my day job last week. Losing one's job is a stressful thing; I'm convinced there're stages to it like mourning a loss. I was mad, blamed myself, blamed others, felt humbled, experienced optimism, and well, now I've just accepted it. It is what it is. Life is simply a large maze with unexpected hurdles. Everyone experiences ups and downs. It's how we deal with the downs that shows the world who we really are, our true character. In the face of this, I've tried to remain diligent in my math and language studies as well as continuing with my writing/editing. In addition, I've done a good bit of looking inward and at my past. It's comforting during a time like this to see where you've come from and how you've (hopefully) improved as an individual. I like to think I've done pretty well and hope that I can continue to grow and become even better.

There've been plenty of times when I've neglected this blog. After all, who am I? Does anyone really read the things I say here? These are questions I ask myself a lot. I want to be a successful writer (whatever that truly means). I'd like to have a fairly large audience who I can interact with (much like Christoper Moore does--now there's a good author role model!) However, much of the time I just feel like a voice quacking in the void. I'm that tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear me.

I know I'm just one in several billion trying to stand apart and I'm self-conscious when it comes to marketing; it's absolutely uncomfortable and dreadful. It's often daunting and sad to think about, but think about it I do. These feelings are more prevalent during my down moments. At higher times, I meet someone who has read one of my stories and reaches out to me to talk about it (this is a grand experience! For me, they are also very rare).

Today, I looked back on the first post I wrote in 2009. It's odd to go back and read things you've written years ago, like glimpsing the mind of a naive you. My feelings while reading that first post are what helped spark this post. I may sound depressed and somewhat bitter, but, really, I'm not. I'm excited by what the future holds for me and my writing. I'm still editing What Goes Around and am nearly ready to hand it off to my beta readers. I have no intention of using this post to vent frustrations and/or petty grievances. I apologize if that's what it seems like. Basically, I just want to express the way I feel when faced with a transitional opportunity (the metamorphosis) that can come from a negative experience like this.

Instead of burying my head in the sand or throwing a pity-party, I want to use the time to get some things done. Finishing this book for one! In the meantime, I will continue doing all of the things I did previously: improving myself and my writing. Another job will come; I know it will, so I'm going to take one day at a time and enjoy it. So, it is with optimism that I put my foot forward toward that hazy future lurking on the horizon, with every intention to seize the day!

Wrapping Up Another Year

Well, this is it. We find ourselves on the cusp of a new year. I've neglected the blog once again (like that's unusual, right?) and would feel pretty bad if I didn't do one last post to close out this year. But what to report? I decided to write a post doing a very short recap of my successes and let you see what I have planned for the coming year. I'm excited about what's on the horizon. So, here it is...

2013 was a good year. I had several wonderful surprises in my personal life and I released a couple of books, both of them southern literature. First there was Lathem's Lament, followed shortly by Rabbit on the Run. I recently heard some feedback from a friend whose mother read Rabbit on the Run and he said she really enjoyed it. It's feedback like this that makes the tedious hours spent creating a story worthwhile.

If you follow this blog or know me personally, you know that I took up studying math using a website called Khan Academy. I started doing this seriously one year ago. When I began, fractions were my arch nemesis. I was unable to do any calculations with fractions. Anything more advanced than that, forget about it! I'm very pleased to report that I have now mastered 81% of the subject matter on the site and am studying precalculus and trigonometry. In the coming year, I hope to be studying advanced calculus.

I hope to carry the momentum of my writing into 2014. Back in March, I gave a sneak peek at the books I was working on. From that list, two of the books were released. Youthanasia is currently shelved until I find motivation to continue it. Carniville is currently in the last few stages of editing. I hope to release it sometime in February. My first beta reader gave excellent feedback for things that needed changing in addition to telling me that it was a good murder mystery. I'm excited about that! Consuming Darkness is another I hope to get out to all my readers in 2014, but it requires a rewrite that will take some time. With that said, I hope to have it out by the end of next year.

At the moment, the book that really holds my heart is called What Goes Around that I briefly mentioned here. This is a creepy horror story that I hope will unsettle anyone who reads it. At the time I announced this story, I was only scratching the plot's surface. Presently, I'm about 200 pages into the manuscript. I won't rehash the synopsis here as you can read it on the other post. However, I will give you a glimpse of the paperback's cover. I hope this book will be ready for release sometime around summer (unless, of course, I switch things up and release it closer to Halloween--how appropriate).

That about sums up what I've been doing and what I hope to accomplish. 2013 was a good year and I hope 2014 will be just as good, if not better. I hope your year has been just as good and I want to wish you a prosperous new year. Feel free to leave any comments or feedback. As always, thanks for stopping in!

What's new, pussycat?

Sorry I've been MIA for a while. I've been busily working on some new projects. My son and I began a new silicone Halloween mask. He had never created one, so I wanted to walk him through the process with me. I figured it would be a fun learning experience, which it was. The sculpture turned out really well, as you can see from the picture(s) below. Unfortunately, when we began separating the plaster mold, it broke, so that was the end of that project. All that work down the drain. Eventually, I'll start over as Halloween draws closer.


In other news, I am wrapping up my novella, Rabbit on the Run, which will soon be available via all of my typical distributors. I will provide links for anyone interested in obtaining copies once it is officially released. In addition, I am dividing my time to edit Carniville, a murder mystery involving human oddities; rewriting The Consuming Darkness, formerly known as The Shadow People, the first novel I'd ever written and has undergone many rewrites. (Most of these books I've mentioned in a previous post, which you can read here).

I've stalled on Youthanasia, a science fiction novel about the pros and cons of immortality, due to a lack of enthusiasm. That's not going to stop me from finishing the story and publishing it, though. When I say "lack of enthusiasm", I don't mean it's a substandard or mediocre story. It just means that some other ideas have stolen the spotlight in my imagination and I'm choosing to focus on them right now, which I will talk about in a minute. Also, I've kind of run up against a wall as far as the plot is concerned. I'm not sure where to go with the story while keeping the reader engaged in finding out what happens next. After I let it ferment and mellow for a while on the back burner, I'm sure I'll find a way around that obstacle.

The story who holds my heart at the moment is a new work of horror that I'm currently writing called What Goes Around. I've only spent two days working with it and, already, I've managed to put down a little over twenty pages worth of story. If you don't know what to make of that, let me just clarify by saying that the words are flowing like Niagara Falls; coming extremely easy, which isn't always the case. Since it is still in its infancy, I won't divulge too much, but I will give you the synopsis to whet your appetite. It goes something like this:

In the fall of 1958, in front of onlooking parents, nine children riding a carousel suddenly vanish. Despite efforts to explain the phenomenon, the children were never found, questions went unanswered, and the amusement park was closed.

Until Now...

Nearly sixty years later, three teenagers sneak into the newly-opened park on a dare and spin up the old carousel. They face a startling discovery when the nine children unexpectedly reappear. The boys and girls look the same as the day they vanished, but something is fundamentally different, because...

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I'm excited by this story's potential and hope readers are, too. I've already developed a cover for it and plan to hone this story into a reasonable facsimile of the product I see in my imagination. If I'm successful, then this will be a creepy romp through a sinister landscape that keeps readers captivated, turning pages to find out where these children have been and what mysteries the merry-go-round holds. Already, while writing it, I've given myself plenty of goose bumps. I hope I can pass them on to anyone who chooses to indulge in the story. As I get nearer to finishing it, I'll release a sneak peek of the cover.

Finally, I have some exciting news about an available title. My novel, The Old Royal, has been optioned to be made into an audio book. The narrator is a talented individual named Stephen Self. I've already listened to his audition for the book and his performance of the first chapter. I'm excited by what I've heard and anxiously await the finished product, which will be available on iTunes, Audible.com, and Amazon. Once I know the details for where you can get a copy, I'll post the links.

Stay tuned for further details. And, as always, thanks for stopping by!